So I have been dwelling in the park today, not much sleep and generally feeling sorry for myself following yesterdays drama, it was nice to emotionally let it all out.
Its one of those slow Brighton days with not many people about, the weather is beautiful and i suppose 30 minutes on the beach listening to some tunes and watching the world go by can actually help.
As I am sure you may know I love singing, back on 2002 I studied Acting, Dance and Singing in Manchester, I met some amazing people and consider this period one of my happiest. The group were so down to earth and talented!
I was so shy back then, I remember I was the person who said to my first boyfriend Peter we were moving to Manchester, I was fed up with what I thought was a totally plain and racist town called Crawley. I was working in a back at 17 and felt I needed to develop my confidence skills in order to be able to be in control, what performing arts gave me was liberation, expression and fun.
I remember the first day, I was so nervous, looking around the room – I was the oldest at 20 and I think Rachel was the youngest at 16, but we hit it off straight away. She was this positive, nieve brunette with the longest and most shiny hair I had seen, she was warm hearted and always made me feel safe around her, I knew she wouldn’t slag me off or bitch to be popular, genuine comes to mind.
Its strange to think that back then my closest friends were female, when I was at my most vulnerable I attached myself to females, now its the complete opposite. Maybe thats the problem?
Recently whilst I am in recovery, I am starting to think more and more about this creative side to my personality, I have hidden this away for 12 years now – In this 12 years I have been quite unwell, many ups and downs and as friends have said
“Your life is like a soap opera like Eastenders”
So what next for me and the world of creativity?
Music – Create a song
Obviously I have an art project in the planning, but music and performance are my real loves, I would like to one day really get my head together with a talented writer and music producer come up with a demo / song, not to launch into some career in pop, but to have something creative, get those juices flowing again.
Take risks vocally and experiment with different sounds, tones and techniques, not knowing where to start and the having anxiety and PTSD means sometimes I neglect myself and what I want and take on others passions. This has to change and what better way to reward myself than to get creative.
Music – Learn to Play
I use Logic Pro – I am not experienced in fact i am an absolute beginner, however I am fascinated by the different sounds you can make with a piano, I would like to learn the first few levels so that I can create melodies for the above and be more independent musically.
Vocally learning scales means I can use this to improve my voice with vocal warm ups etc…
I am looking for……
Later this year I am looking to set up a charity – I have some great ideas around this and would like to work with creative musicians, people who can inspire and educate others, in particular those from less privileged backgrounds.
If you teach Piano, Guitar, Drums etc and feel you can contribute to this idea of my own personal development project then please to get in touch with me.
Music heals, people chill and pain can go away.
As I said I like a sing song, check out this cover from an app I use, you can sing with people anytime you like and even do videos, all for fun of course.
Or watch the real version of Naughty Boy – Runnin’ (Lose It All) ft. Beyoncé below.
Thanks as always for reading.