Why I am taking my psychiatric therapy private and dumping Sussex Partnership Trust

For me mental health has always been there, you don’t get raped and sexually abused over a two year period on multiple occasions and not go with life with severe life changing implications.

I think from my own perspective long term relationships really masked and helped me distract / hide the traumas of the past. I have come to learn the brain is a fascinating thing, complex and powerful at the same time. 

My first interactions with Sussex Partnership Trust were actually very positive, almost a lifeline and relief, whilst they were only willing to provide medication, which is the psychiatric route and assessment, I had already found Mankind by this time, which is a charitable organisation who gave me limited one to one therapy (pre trial) which means you cannot discuss any of the actual events from the past, as it could affect a trial I had to bring my abuser back to justice under the double jeopardy rule. There was a case in 1990, which was basically a cover up, there were multiple victims and multiple incidents per victim but the perpetrator was only investigated and convicted for one incident of molestation against myself.

My its very complicated, as the ramifications from that 1990 event and trial, we had no voice in, I mean I was 6 or 7 by that time, and it was me who finally plucked up the courage to tell my parents at the time what had happened, the other family across the street, I remember as kids we would all talk about the abuse the perpetrator did to us, so how that was all washed under the carpet I will never know.

It was a weird time back then with the Bishop cases, all around a similar time. I was never provided any child mental health support. It was just sorted forgotten by everyone.

Well it wasn’t, we never forgot, we always knew and even years after would see our perpetrator growing up, so Brighton & Hove is home for me, but its also the place where I dont feel safe, still waiting to bump into my abuser who was convinced for a second time in 2019, after a three year wait for a trial, and seeing him three times in the streets in the lead up. 

The other family this time got some justice but not all victims and not all charges, with him only the convicted on for the lowest charges, added to that he was considered vulnerable and from what I could see was Jury Tampering, he was eventually sentenced to 3.5 years. And served half. On the sex offenders register for life. We were told to just move on by court clerks, but it felt wrong to move on when he got away with so much, and also forced us into a trial process. 

Law is complicated and there is the act itself and then the so called intent, sadly our abuser was awarded vulnerable status and therefore got off on technicalities and jury room manipulation of the highest charges due too the jury believing he would not know known what he was doing to us was wrong. Which is a lie, the character they were painted was not the person who abused us. 

Ironically when he was released he was placed in emergency accommodation a was caught filming toddlers at a nursery with another man, and was tackled and assaulted by a concerned parent who witnessed this event.

I rest my case there.

Anyway so mentally speaking its divide me into a resilient but vulnerable person, I have attempted to take my life, planned it, and had thoughts. Ive self medicated, I’ve taken risks, I’ve done so much to avoid the stuff from the past, but to tackle an issue does not mean closure.

There is part closure. But questions remain, the perpetrator has the freedom to walk around Brighton and Hove and us survivors, we could bump into him again at anytime, its the unknown. You see someone who looks just like them, you look, its very unusual the way the Brain can be scared.

They have named this PTSD or CPTSD a complex form, as yes its a very complicated case and thing that happened to me, it wasn’t just a one off opportunistic type of abuse, whilst still horrific it was sustained over a long period and involved threats and other emotional abuse to stop us telling.

That impacts your brain, and well the lack of transparency and everyone just seeming to brush it under the carpet had massive implications in my  life going forward, lost time at school, I refused to go for two years, looking back that was me doing my own self healing and it worked. As I studied hard the final year of school and came out with good grades, I was motivated to leave Brighton and Hove at 16, and I did I left. 

I thought I built a new life. You see the traumatised child is clever he tricks me a lot, he distracts me, he will do anything to not go there. 

The last incident seeing my abuser back in 2015 led to a severe mental health breakdown, and homelessness all of which I was going through in the trial process.

That is how I found Sussex partnership trust I can’t remember who, but I was refereed to the mental health homeless team, a wonderful service within East Brighton Mental Health Trust, run by Sussex Partner Trust, I had a very long, couple of our assessment with a wonderful psychiatrist, there was also a nurse in the room, who went on to give me community outreach support around my homelessness issues. Which were exasperating my symptoms and mental health even worse. I was also Diagnosed with Bipolar in that same assessment. Dr Clarke is now retired.

When I found secure housing I was referred to another psychiatrist, then another and then another.

Its been a revolving door for a few years now since covid and thats where I have seen the worst decline in the service output. To be clear the only real good part was the specialist Mental Health Homeless Team, the other department they placed me after well its just been issues.

Bear in mind, I hate attending East Brighton Mental Health Service, I only go because friends tell me I am unwell and / or are worried, particularly when I get unwell. 

• Not hearing me / listening in my interactions. 
• Non – Specialist does not understand my particular issues and needs. 
• Long Assessment Appointment Process, In the door medicated and out. 
• Lack of real therapeutic support, only want me on strong cocktails of antipsychotic which make me into a zombie. Think Kerry Katona This Morning Interview.
• Mistakes in reports
• Losing my files and documents
• Lying in forms and victim blaming
• Unmotivated and robotic Psychs who seem to not be trained in trauma informed care
• Issues around trust
• Care has turned into Trigger for suicidal episodes, so its become dangerous for me to actually interact with this service.
• Poor and rushed assessments later by Dr M. 
• Service Seems to Have an Agenda to Push patients for alternative diagnosis, particularly ADHD. Pushing them into 3 year waiting lists.

Its become untenable the last incident has involved a four month process to get a fairly simple piece of administrative work done, and they have wasted multiple appointments and lost assessments, and caused significant distress and injury to myself.

Due to some severe incompetence, negligence and data protection breaches.

If I continue to use this service that traumatised child will end me, me will succeed where I am working really hard with private therapists which I pay for to heal this child and to help me become a happy person again which is possible.

After 7 years I cannot use East Brighton Mental Health, Sussex Partnership Trust or so called NHS services anymore as they are no longer fit for purpose and in-fact is now putting my life in danger. 

I will be taking my entire mental health recovery and support services private sadly, I have been failed and wronged on far too many occasions for this to be a small issue this is something I have to control myself, I cannot control my mental health, its complicated, my private therapy is maintenance its really helped me in so many ways, it is not a miracle cure as my therapist says, but I get tools, I feel safe, I trust my therapist completely, he knows me, we have had a 7 year client / therapist relationship. No judgement, been through a lot together.

I need this consistency, I have it with my GP, had him 20 years almost now, trust is built. 

In terms of psychiatric support I will be going private and have already started the search for someone specialist around my areas and will be there to work for me and my care needs where clearly the Sussex partnership trust and east brighton mental health services cannot be trusted any longer.

Its tough as its expensive, but I want to live, too many have died and I love what I do, the people I help when I am well and able to and just have a life again where I can move past things, as it stands this service is holding me back, it’s potentially blocking access to future therapy.

I just think its come to a sad state, i was a 4-6 year old child, as an adult I live with the mental disabilities day to day, yet have to pay to stay well, alive so I can help others and try and live some fragments of a life. 

Its cruel, they are cruel. So next week will be my last appointment as a patient and service user.